Goals and Bread

I was filling out an application for a job yesterday and one of the questions asked about examples of current and previous short and long term goals.  After thinking about my life, I felt a little shallow not because my goals where bad or even shallow, but because for the past three years I have quite swallowed up by the goal of college.  My real life goals have very little depth.  It is the major goal in my life, and all smaller goals seem to revolve around it.  It’s not that I don’t have other goals, it just that they have been forced to the back seat by the need to survive, the need to get that degree.

There is no rest, there is no becoming a better rounded person by taking cooking classes or reading the daily paper, there is no reading for pleasure and the deepening of the soul.  There is no safety net to pursue those goals under.  There is only survival.

Press in.  Push through.  God, where is my daily bread today?  The gas tank and the checking account are both at E.  And nobody wanted to give me a job today, I checked.  God, where is my daily bread, Today?

Yesterday, I was trying to think of what to write to sum up 2005.  It wasn't a particularly bad year, but I wouldn't say it was one of my favorites.  A lot of things happened, amazing, tragic, and all places in between.  It was a busy year.   The year was challenging, it was emotional, it was suprising.  I did a lot of living, and yet I still feel like I didn't do enough.  This year, perhaps?

2005 An Assorted Collection of Events and Life Business

I ate Thai Food, which was a personal goal.

I took more than 365 pictures, even if I didn’t take one everyday, which was a personal goal.

God provided a way for me to go back to school, TU, which was amazing.

I became an RA in as dramatic an experience as when I first lost it.

I experience Increased and steady spiritual growth, greater depths, unimagined intimacy, and breath taking encounters.

My grandfather died.

I went to Kansas City.

My cousin, Kristen, got married.

I realized that I don’t ever want to work in an office, or be a Chiropractor.

I became a regular at a coffee shop.

The Lake House was sold.

I had dreams unlike any of the dreams I have had before.

I got my first car.

I got my first “C”, I failed my first test, and I am on my first probation, and found out that it is still alright.

I ate sushi for the first time.

I smoked my first cigar.

I went to the Center of The Universe.  I wore a helmet.

I fell in love with Neutrinos.

I wrote letters and received letters (although, admittedly, not as many as I sent.)

I learned how to love people and still let them go, and to have peace about it.

I slept through church.  (I arrived but I never made it to the sanctuary.  I fell asleep on the couch.)

I received an unusual amount of vintage jewelry that I don’t know what to do with.

I ate my first $60 meal, where $40 of it was alcohol I didn’t consume, and I watched old drunk people act like high schoolers.

I rode my first subway.

I did not move to France.

I learned about angels, miracles, and destiny—in the class room and in my own room.

I saw the Northern Lights fill up the entire Chicago suburban sky with pink and green and lavender.

I pierced something.

I jumped in a pile of leaves.

I planned events.

I got acupuncture.

I pulled needles out of weird places on all types of people, learned how to give great massages, and that I never want to get old and have medicare.

I got the first best haircut of my life.

I got frisked at the airport.

I got cowboy boots.

I received sword fighting lessons.

I peed in a men’s restroom (on purpose).

I was involved in a drug bust. (the busting, not the busted)

I laid on top of a wall with my best friend and watched the stars come out.

I got up in the middle of the night to pray.

I built a fort out of phone books at 3 am.

Currently Reading Captivating : Unveiling the Mystery of a Woman's Soul By John Eldredge, Stasi Eldredge see related

Adventure.  I suppose this is it, for now.  I can't help feel as though I am still waiting for my adventure to begin.  Maybe our own stories always feel sluggish and boring in comparision to everyone elses?  I assume it's a difference of perspective.  From where I stand, I can see the intricate beauty and breath taking adventure of your life, but it's awefully hard to see it in mine. 

Hellllllo adventure, donde estas?

Did You Know This about me?
"ENFPs have what some call a "silly switch." They can be intellectual, serious, all business for a while, but whenever they get the chance, they flip that switch and become CAPTAIN WILDCHILD, the scourge of the swimming pool, ticklers par excellence."

Did you know I was the scourage of the swimming pool?

I soak up this kind of information like an ever expanding spounge, and yet while understanding who I am helps to some extent, when it comes down to helping me figure out the questions that I hoped to have answered in the first place it has done very little.

What SHOULD I be when I grow up?  If I don't have the answer, and nobody else has the answer, then what will I do?  Maybe I won't be able to grow up?  Maybe they will make me wait on the doorstep and not let me into the party until I put on a career hat and declare myself a professional "something or other"?  Es possible.